Destination, Someone

Personality is like a road map.

Some are very easy to read, easy to understand, easy to follow. Some are a little more complex, not so surface level, and make you a bit frustrated when you think you’re supposed to take a right turn but instead make a left and infuriate someone even more because you’ve now said the wrong thing in reaction to the conversation. Then there’s some road maps that are stained and torn, that aren’t understandable in the slightest. They’ve been stuck in the glove box for like, 30 years, and everytime someone pulls that one out everyone groans and goes, “Ugh…not this one.”

My personality is that road map. It’s confusing, filled with wrong turns and bad directions. It’s almost impossible to follow, even with the pen marks someone once made on it for others to later use that are a sad attempt to ‘update’ the map for current use. Eventually the person using it gets so annoyed, they toss the map down in frustration or they ball it back up and violently shove it back into that dark glove box again. Some people would think this would make the map feel bad, but really, I’d rather be an incomprehensible road map than a road map that easily leads you everywhere with no questions asked. I like being the complex map.

“Frustrating”, “Challenging”, “Annoying”, “Impossible”, “Irritating”, “Useless”. I’ve heard all of these in reference to my personality, in reference to attempts to understanding me. Even those who’ve made the attempt eventually start to run into annoyances, wondering why they didn’t take an easier map.The thing is, while this, in theory, should make me feel even worse about myself, it’s a source of odd pride. I’m glad people don’t understand me, because it means I’m not the same. I’m different, and usually that wouldn’t be said with such happiness, despite people always tell you being different is good and being unique is special, because being different means not fitting in but why would I want to fit in with a species who’re so quick to dismiss me simply for such insignificant things like how I look or think?

The problem often isn’t the person being excluded. The problem is that society excludes people. That’s where change needs to be directed towards. Because society and pop culture has cultivated this idea that conformity is something to be attained in order to even be remotely accepted, there’s a lot of people out there who think that just because they’re alone means they’re required to be unhappy. Bullfuckingshit. Alone and liking yourself is better than surrounded by people who make you hate yourself because you’re not really being you. Be that fucking road map. Be the one with the coffee ring right in the middle, and who’s edges are all tattered and frayed. Be that road map and mislead people, teach them they can’t judge maps by a few simple red and blue lines. That’s the great thing about poor GPS tools. Yeah they can misdirect you, but they can also misdirect you into places you’d never expect yourself to go and sometimes have an adventure.

Sure, those road maps can take them to their destination.

But your road map can take them on a journey.

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