It’s Sunday, February 11th, 2018, which means it’s officially mine and my girlfriends 3 year anniversary. 3 years ago, I moved in with her and we became an official couple. I’m still boggled by this happening, to be totally honest with you. Look, for the cause of transparency, before this current girlfriend, I dated another girl for 5 years solid, and it was a very serious, wonderful relationship, but I always declared myself as incredibly lucky to have found someone willing to put up with me, especially given my upbringing and how screwed up I was at that time in particular.
After that relationship ended, I sort of coasted for a bit, having a date here or there, but didn’t really date again seriously until this current girlfriend, when we met near the end of October back in 2014. By that point in time, while I’d grown a lot simply because I was older now, I also was even more messed up than I was when my previous girlfriend had met me, so I was really unsure of how this one would handle things. When my previous girlfriend and I met, my parents were splitting up after 12 years (it was a 2nd marriage for them both), my grandmother had just died, both dogs had died and I was coming off my first serious relationship with a girl I’d been with for barely a year. I was damaged by my family and childhood, but I was mostly damaged by the situation I found myself in at that exact moment in time. Once that moment in time passed, I wasn’t actually all that screwed up anymore, though I still had the trauma and depression I’d always had. In fact, at one point, my girlfriend of 5 years even said to me, “When we met, you were very broken and I wanted to fix you. Now that you’re a lot better, I don’t know what to do.”
I admit, that kinda hurt, but I understand and I’ve never held it against her by any means. I loved her, I still do love her in a lot of ways, as we’re still very close friends and we both felt it was worth it to stay in one anothers lives. Our breakup was rather amiable and easy to deal with for the most part.
But, by the time I’d met this current girlfriend in 2014, I was coming off a host of other shit; a bad summer fling, nonstop years of emotional and psychological abuse from my mother, my official coming out ruining things even more, so on and so forth, and that’s on top of the depression and trauma I’d always had. So now I was like, “Okay, there’s no way this girl is going to put up with my pathetic, broken ass”, but it turns out she was pretty pathetic and broken herself, and I don’t mean that as in a bad way, I meant that in a way of she really understood me and still does. We’ve recovered together. People often use a term called Trauma Bonding to refer to this sort of relationship, often calling it unhealthy even, but what we have is not unhealthy. We’re very happy together, we love each other greatly, we’ve only sort of fought a bit in this last 6 months or so mostly because of our current living situation through this past summer which has now all but resolved itself for the most part and things are really good again. This isn’t Trauma Bonding.
This is just love.
I don’t deny Trauma Bonding is a thing, by any means. It 100% is, but this isn’t what we have. What we have is a foundation of strength and perseverance and trust built on shaky grounds of scarred adolescences and painful youth and self hatred. We’ve learned to hate ourselves less because of the love we see each other have for the other one. I’m not saying we’re “cured” or that our love has some magical healing power that’s absolved us of our problems. I’m just saying that we are better off because we are together. We have helped one another become better by being in love, yes, but it’s also taken a lot of working on ourselves as well. A lot of introspective analysis, which I’ve done by using this blog to take a very in depth look at myself and pick myself apart, and realizing that it does indeed take more than a single person to make yourself better. So yes, one person can’t completely fix you.
But they can damn sure love you and help you grow, and that’s definitely worth it.
Hey guys, I’m running a promo on my fiction collection, “Nice Girls Don’t Burn Ants” over at Payhip until Monday! By using this coupon code (G21PYKRRPK) you can get the collection for 25% off, all thanks to my 3 year anniversary with my girlfriend! Now’s the time to snag it!
I’m Maggie. If you like this thing I made, you might like some other things I make, like my depressing webcomic “In Space, No One Can Hear You Cry”, the satirical online newspaper of “Nowhere, US”, my podcast “Coping With Tonal Shifts In Reality” or my writing over at Medium. You can also find some published work for sale over at my Payhip.
Wanna donate to me directly? You can do that via PayPal! Wanna support me ongoing month to month and get content early? You can do that via Patreon! Wanna support me but can’t do it continuously? You can do that via Buy Me A Coffee! Thanks for whatever you can spare, I really appreciate it!