Hey, I’m Maggie. If you liked this thing I made, you might like other things I make, like my depressing webcomic, “In Space, No One Can Hear You Cry” or my writing over at Medium. You can also donate to the PayPal helping my girlfriend and I survive the year by paying rent and buying groceries, anything given will be greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading!
Hey, I’m Maggie, and if you like these things I made, you might like some other things I make, like my depressing webcomic, “In Space, No One Can Hear You Cry”. You can also check out my writing over at Medium, or if you’re feeling nice enough to want to help my girlfriend and I pay rent and buy groceries, you could donate to the PayPal. Anything is greatly appreciated, thanks for reading!
This “Close To Monsters” is brought to you by the fact that you were probably destined to fail.
Hey. I’m Maggie. Like this thing I made? I make other things you might like. Check out my other webcomic, “In Space, No One Can Hear You Cry”, or my writings over at Medium. I am also launching a podcast network this December. Thanks for reading!
The hospital has a problem. We have sick people.
I know, that sounds weird, and thanks to the current way of the world, it is, but it’s a real issue. Thanks to medicare not specifically backing the whole immortality thing, and if it does cover it it doesn’t cover it for poor people, and class war, we now have created a zone specifically for sick people who are dying who can’t afford to live. This is becoming ridiculous. So now, the rich people who can afford to not die, who are only here for checkups or to make sure they can come back to life, they have most of the hospital, and we have cleared an entire 2 floors and dedicated that solely to the “poor” who can’t afford to live. We’ve called it The Sick Zone. It’s essentially full of poor, dying people, who, as the rich said, were “making them uncomfortable”. Yeah. How do you think the poor feel, you rich piece of…
Anyway. I’m on shift with 2 other nurses to basically cover the entirety of The Sick Zone. We empty bedpans, give people their medications, all the usual stuff everyone used to do and have done to them here, but now it’s just two floors worth of people. Hospitals have now become a place of comfort, rather than medicine, and only for those who can afford that comfort and not want anything discomforting, you know, like somebody dying, disturbing said comfort. A few nights ago, I was on the late shift and was fixing a mans medications for him while he laid there and told me about how sick he was, how scared he was, but how, if given the choice, he still wouldn’t want to live forever. Surprised, I asked him why, and he said it all in one word: Tedium.
Existence is tedious. Having to find ways to fill your life, whether they’re hobbies, social activities, work, you name it. It’s hard enough to do that for the amount of time you’re alive, but god, to have to stretch that ad infinity? It’d drive any sane person up the wall. I for one really understood his plight and couldn’t admire his decision more. He told me that he’d done his time, like it was a prison sentence, that he’d done his duties; had some kids, worked his job, accomplished his goals and this was the end of the line. This was existential retirement, and I couldn’t agree more. A lot of people work in the medical field because they are life affirming people. They believe so greatly in life, wanting to help others better their lives but not me. I am in medicine because death has been something that’s been a big part of my life, and I’m comfortable around it. That’s why I think they put me on The Sick Zone.
Then there’s the terminally ill patients looking to end their lives. We have a few of those in The Sick Zone, awaiting their paperwork approval, since the ‘sanctity’ of life has become law of the land. Imagine that. Imagine having to fight for your right to die. Ludicrous. What do the people against this think? “Oh, but they still have some time left to be in absolute agonizing pain!” Idiots. See, growing up, my parents tried to have a second child, and the baby that would’ve been my little sister died a few months after being born. While my mother became relieved to still only have to worry about one child, my father did the exact opposite. He was grief stricken, and started being as “pro-life” as one can be. This confounded me to no end. Why be so attached to a concept that the thing that died couldn’t even comprehend? Why be sad for them, when they themselves never got a chance to even see if they might hate life or not. American Thief did a poll a few months ago back when this whole shitstorm started about being born, and of those polled, a whopping 78% admitted that if given the choice, they’d have opted out of birth, simply because life hasn’t been worth it. I think that says something.
Listen, I’m not here to pass judgement (not that that’ll stop me from doing so, hey, I’m a pissed off nurse okay?), I am here to help those in need. That being said, a person should always have complete and total control over their own body and what happens to it. I mean, everyone except women do, so I guess we’re sort of there. But whether it’s what medications to put into it, what surgeries to have applied to it, what to do with it after death or leading to your death, it is your body and it should be your decision. Death is no longer an absolute. Death is now a product you have to try hard to buy.
We’ve done it, Capitalism. We’ve turned death into a profit.
“This Won’t Hurt A Bit: Memoirs From A Post Medical World” is a satire health column created & written by Maggie Taylor. If you like this, you might like some of her other work, like her webcomic “In Space, No One Can Hear You Cry” and her writing over at Medium.
Hey. I’m Maggie. Did you like these things? If so, you might like some other things I make, like my depressing webcomic, “In Space, No One Can Hear You Cry” or my new site, “Sad Party”, where I encourage others to share how bad they feel so other people can feel a little better. Thanks to stopping by!
The self help books have started.
Much to the chagrin of both doctors and actual literary readers alike, the bookstores are now lined floor to wall with self help books about recovering from no longer having to recover from anything. People who were once terminally ill, thanks to death being cured, now can read books with such titles as “Til Life Do Us Part: Coping With Your Terminally Ill Spouses Recovery” and “7 Stages Of Grief; One Mans Journey To Legally Die”. Now on the Dr. Phil-esque shows on daytime television, we’re witnesses to a parade of people who are being affected first hand by this situation. Women who had accepted their parents impending demise from Cancer who’re now disappointed they won’t get what was willed to them and men who were ready to move on after their sick child passed away now having to stay with the family. It’s changed media too. Now the trope of “sick girl falls in love, teaches cute boy everlasting life lessons, dies anyway” is long since a thing of the past. Now it’s more “sick girl falls in love, sick girl gets better, guy leaves her anyway”.
Therapists are now overbooked by people who had once been told by a doctor they had 6 months to live, who now have to cope with the fact that their lives are no longer shortened. Here’s a statement I read from one of them:
What happens is that when you’re told that you’re going to die, the first instinct the human mind has is to deny it. That’s why we have the 7 stages of grief, the 7th being the acceptance of this information. Over a period of time, you come to terms with your demise, you accept that this has been your life and that it’s just time to move on. However, when you suddenly find yourself with your lifespan no longer shortened, your mind isn’t sure how to deal with that. You were prepared to be dead. You’d accepted the inevitability of nonexistence. Now, suddenly, here you are with the next 40 years ahead of you and unsure what to do to fill the time. It can really mess with a person.
People are now enrolling in classes to relearn how to live. Rediscover hobbies, interests and what to do with their free time, along with how to live a day to day life. Out of one medical change, an entire market has boomed, bringing along with it the financial prosperity of the 90s. I went to one of these classes on a whim, just to see what it was like, and the first thing I discovered was that, much like the death industry, what was now being coined “The Life Industry” is a big crock of shit. In fact, the medical community has such faith in their industry, they’ve even started putting out promotional material, including this infographic they posted on the wall at the hospital I work at.
Yeah. Things are going great on this side. In fact, the only real downside is that we don’t have much work to do around here these days. Mostly, myself and the other nurses find ourselves playing card games or reading when we have nothing else to do. Oh, sure, sometimes someone comes in with something wrong with them (a sword through the chest or something minor like that), but the flurry is over in a matter of minutes and the patched patient is back up and ready for another day.
But the classes…they’re something else. A “teacher” will often talk to the class about how they came to the conclusion that life isn’t something that should end, and that we should fully take advantage of the gift we’ve been given. He or she will ramble on and on about how we could use our extensions for good, to better the world, society, ourselves, etc. What they won’t say is how advocating for life really helps us. Overpopulation is already a big problem, and with people refusing to die, it’s only going to get more and more crowded as we continue to reproduce. I might just be a nurse who hasn’t been in the field that long, but from what I can tell, this is only going to lead to serious overcrowding.
Save the world. Kill something.
“This Won’t Hurt A Bit: Memoirs From A Post Medical World” is a satirical health column created & written by Maggie Taylor. If you enjoy what you’ve read here, maybe donate to my SquareCash, so I can continue doing this for you guys. It’s much appreciated!