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Trusting Others

Sticker #1 Trusting Others

image created by Maggie Taylor

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I’m Maggie. If you like this thing I made, you might like some other things I’ve done, like my 2015 novel “You Ruined Everything”, my podcast network “The Feel Bad Network” or my feed over at Ello. You can also find some published work for sale over at my Payhip , buy prints/stickers and more at my online store on Big Cartel, or support my work at my Patreon! Anything helps & is appreciated, thanks!

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Doll

I got a new doll, took her out of the box; she’s pretty and popular and she can talk! What a novel idea, to give dolls a voice, but it’s not free will, she’s not speaking by choice.

Yet I teach her so much and we go many places; she sees so much, yet she never faced changes. Wish that I were a doll, with a plastered on smile, so I could just mask all my feelings a while.

She has many outfits, so many careers; she doesn’t need a degree or to face any fears! I make her my idol, I wish one day to be, as fearless and happy, successful as she.

We had many adventures and she watched me mature; she watched as I cried, curled up on the floor. She watched in secret as I kissed girls instead, as she and more toys got pushed under the bed.

When I moved out, I cleaned out my room and found her buried within this childhood tomb; plastic jewelry and training bras, the list has no end…and there in the center was my closest friend.

So I cleaned her off, she’s still perfect and pretty, she hasn’t had years of feeling so shitty; dolls can be fixed, that’s their one unique token…it’s people who rarely recover  if broken.

Buy My Book!  Support Me Via Patreon!  Visit My Online Store!

I’m Maggie. If you like this thing I made, you might like some other things I’ve done, like my 2015 novel “You Ruined Everything”, my podcast network “The Feel Bad Network” or my feed over at Ello. You can also find some published work for sale over at my Payhip , buy prints/stickers and more at my online store on Big Cartel, or support my work at my Patreon! Anything helps & is appreciated, thanks!

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PORCH #11

PORCH11

I think my favorite thing so far about this comic is coming up with ridiculous physical manifestations of complex psychological issues.

Buy My Book!  Support Me Via Patreon!  Visit My Online Store!

I’m Maggie. If you like this thing I made, you might like some other things I’ve done, like my 2015 novel “You Ruined Everything”, my podcast network “The Feel Bad Network” or my feed over at Ello. You can also find some published work for sale over at my Payhip , buy prints/stickers and more at my online store on Big Cartel, or support my work at my Patreon! Anything helps & is appreciated, thanks!

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PORCH #10

PORCH10

“And don’t even get me started on watching my friends pulled from the ground so their corpses can be given to humans as a sign of love!”

Buy My Book!  Support Me Via Patreon!  Visit My Online Store!

I’m Maggie. If you like this thing I made, you might like some other things I’ve done, like my 2015 novel “You Ruined Everything”, my podcast network “The Feel Bad Network” or my feed over at Ello. You can also find some published work for sale over at my Payhip , buy prints/stickers and more at my online store on Big Cartel, or support my work at my Patreon! Anything helps & is appreciated, thanks!

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PORCH #9

PORCH09

And if you don’t belong anywhere, make a place where you belong. Demand your existence to be accepted.

If you like this comic and wanna read next weeks right now, subscribe to my Patreon for as low as a dollar a month!

Buy My Book!  Support Me Via Patreon!  Visit My Online Store!

I’m Maggie. If you like this thing I made, you might like some other things I’ve done, like my 2015 novel “You Ruined Everything”, my podcast network “The Feel Bad Network” or my feed over at Ello. You can also find some published work for sale over at my Payhip , buy prints/stickers and more at my online store on Big Cartel, or support my work at my Patreon! Anything helps & is appreciated, thanks!

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PORCH #6

PORCH06

Validation Cola! Putting the “can” in “CAN DO!”

If you like this comic and wanna read next weeks right now, subscribe to my Patreon for as low as a dollar a month!

Buy My Book!  Support Me Via Patreon!  Visit My Online Store!

I’m Maggie. If you like this thing I made, you might like some other things I’ve done, like my 2015 novel “You Ruined Everything”, my podcast network “The Feel Bad Network” or my feed over at Ello. You can also find some published work for sale over at my Payhip , buy prints/stickers and more at my online store on Big Cartel, or support my work at my Patreon! Anything helps & is appreciated, thanks!

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Pennies From Heaven, or, Songs I Used To Sing For Grandpa

My grandfather and I used to go on walks around his neighborhood.

At one point, he’d taught me to sing the song “Pennies From Heaven”, and sometimes we’d sing it together while on these little walks. This is, among other memories only featuring my grandparents, one of the only good memories I have from my childhood. Honestly, if you ask, most of the good memories I have of my childhood revolve around them. Whether it’s sitting with my grandmother and cracking walnuts or watching TV with them late into the night, they seem to be the only constant in my “good” childhood memories. When they died, so did anything really good in my life, and that’s been kind of hard to reconcile with.

I tried so hard to search for new things to make me happy. Art, media of any kind, love from another person, but in the end, none of it, especially after a good chunk of years, did the trick. At least not to the extent that they had done. But then, I realized recently, I was so obsessed with the best times and the worst times (IE; the rest of my life) that I was forgetting that I could make new best times. It’s not like there’s an expiration date on happiness. It isn’t something that goes bad if left unattended too long in the fridge. You can always make new happy memories, given the right circumstances.

I think I’m often so damn depressed that I forget I can still be happy, and I think I sometimes feel like if I DO find myself feeling happy that I then must’ve been faking my sadness, but that’s ridiculous. Nobody is unhappy 24/7, not even me. I mean, it’s close, but it’s not 24/7. But yeah, I’m in the market for some joy. It’s time to start feeling a lot better, even if my new happy memories don’t include my grandparents. By fixating on them, the time I spent with them, so often, I am doing myself a disservice. I’m not allowing myself to grow and make new happy memories. It’s hard, sometimes, to be happy…especially given my living situation (about to be homeless, so if you wanna help my girlfriend and I fight that, we have a gofundme) and financial standings, but it doesn’t mean it’s impossible. You have to first learn to take happiness in small chunks, where you can find it, whether that’s a meal with someone you love or a book you’re enjoying or simply just cleaning up your living area because a disheveled living area can make you feel disheveled by proximity. Or…in my grandfathers idea, it can be a song about pennies.

I haven’t listened to Pennies From Heaven in almost 15 years at the most now, I bet, if not longer. I don’t know that I could, honestly. It feels like it was from a time that I don’t have access to anymore, that it’s been somehow locked away from me. Even though I know how easy it would be to listen to it; I’d simply go to youtube or open spotify and I’m sure within seconds, a few keystrokes, I’d have it at my command, but…if I am going to try and move forward, then why look back? I need to associate new music with new memories, not be stuck with old music from old memories. Wallowing in the music from that time period doesn’t do anything from me. I have the memories. I don’t need the music. Maybe one day I will listen to Pennies From Heaven again.

Maybe one day I will listen to Pennies From Heaven with my own children, or my own grandchildren.

And I’ll be happy.

Buy My Book!  Support Me Via Patreon!  Visit My Online Store!

I’m Maggie. If you like this thing I made, you might like some other things I’ve done, like my 2015 novel “You Ruined Everything”, my podcast network “The Feel Bad Network” or my feed over at Ello. You can also find some published work for sale over at my Payhip , buy prints/stickers and more at my online store on Big Cartel, or support my work at my Patreon! Anything helps & is appreciated, thanks!