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How Are You Today?: Episode 1 “Taylor Is Feeling Hopeful”

The pilot for a new podcast drama I’m creating has hit, so check it out and make sure to check back for new episodes! The description is as follows:

“In the pilot episode, we meet Annabelle Cleary, a young woman with an inoperable brain tumor, and she reads a letter from a nice girl named Taylor about not wanting to feel bad all the time.”

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I’m Maggie. If you like this thing I made, you might like some other things I’ve done, like my 2015 novel “You Ruined Everything”, my podcast network “The Feel Bad Network” or my feed over at Ello. You can also find some published work for sale over at my Payhip , buy prints/stickers and more at my online store on Big Cartel, or support my work at my Patreon! Anything helps & is appreciated, thanks!

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She Rode On A Dinosaur: A Short Story

a short story(2)This months (not so) short story is out! You can buy it right here! The description is as follows:

Heidi Beuford is a 9 year old girl, and is very sick. Between doctors appointments and visits to the local history museum, she often feels scared and lost, but Luna doesn’t. Luna Bell is a strong girl who rides a raptor named Triumph, and is out to find the truth about life in her fantasy world. As Luna attempts to discover the mystery behind The Great Fish and Heidi attempts to simply survive, together, the two will learn valuable lessons about life, death, and that sometimes being scared is necessary.

It’s a bit on the longer side than I intended it to be, or as any of the other stories usually are, but it’s a pretty good one I think. Definitely the longest of the bunch this year, clocking in at just over 8k words, so, yay. Anyway, read it and help me pay my rent, yeah? Thanks!

Buy My Book!  Support Me Via Patreon! Donate To Our GoFundMe!

I’m Maggie. If you like this thing I made, you might like some other things I make, like my depressing webcomic “In Space, No One Can Hear You Cry”, my podcast network “The Feel Bad Network” or my writing over at Medium. You can also find some published work for sale over at my Payhip or support my work at my Patreon! Anything helps & is appreciated, thanks!

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Orb Of Despair “Personality Trait”

OOD8

While, yes, it isn’t my defining personality trait, it’s definitely right up there. Sorry Orb.

Buy My Book!  Support Me Via Patreon! Donate To Our GoFundMe!

I’m Maggie. If you like this thing I made, you might like some other things I make, like my depressing webcomic “In Space, No One Can Hear You Cry”, my podcast network “The Feel Bad Network” or my writing over at Medium. You can also find some published work for sale over at my Payhip or support my work at my Patreon! Anything helps & is appreciated, thanks!

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I Am So Tired Of You All

I have never been an extroverted person.

Now I’m somehow even less of one. Honestly, at this point, even just the mere thought of interacting with another human being, especially after how they’ve treated me this past year, makes me sick to my stomach. I no longer wish to get to know anyone. I don’t care what their hobbies or interests are, what their thoughts on anything might be, what foods they may enjoy, or anything of the sort. I do not care. I could not care less. I just want to be left the hell alone. I am so goddamned angry at the entire world now that I would be 100% perfectly fine being alone for the remainder of my life, or just living it out with only my girlfriend at my side.

People are liars. People are unreliable. People are manipulative. Even if they don’t mean to be these things, they are, and they’re often so embarrassed for being them that they take it personally when you bring it up, so they’ll defend themselves for the shitty actions, and really there’s no reason to have that or any other conversation. I know. I know this must make me sound like a cold, heartless bitch, but you have to understand where I’m coming from. 97% of the people I have dealt with throughout my life, including people I thought I was extremely close to and considered important to me, hurt me in some way or another, including people this year who I thought would never turn on me. And I know, I know, it’s “unhealthy” to still feel this way and to write people off as a whole because just a large amount have been bad to me, but consider this.

I don’t care.

I’m not trying to be rude. I just…I don’t have the ability to care anymore, literally. I have become so depressed, so deeply sick, that I no longer care about anything; about myself, about my health, about anything around me, about my work, about the lack of interest in my work, about my ‘friendships’, etc. It’s not like I don’t want to care. I literally cannot care. I am exhausted and overworked and completely used up. I really…I just hate people so, so very much. These days, I keep my headphones on, sit in my bed all day and try not to sob the entire time. I try to interact with the world surrounding me as little as possible, and a lot of that is because how other people have treated me, especially within the past year.

I want to be better. Deep inside I do, I can feel it, I can feel that itching to be a better, healthier person; someone who isn’t held back by their trauma and is instead working to move forward and get better. I thought I was becoming that person. But no. Instead I’m going to end the year that was supposed to be a step forward as 14 steps backwards. I wanted so badly to make progress, but that just isn’t something I can achieve. I’ve come to accept that. These days, I’m mad at the fact that I even have to wake up, because it means dealing with everything for another miserable 24 hours, and that’s horrid enough of a thought. I thought that perhaps sharing my feelings here may help, but nobody ever interacts, just like with my work, and so I don’t really have anyone. I’m not even “over it all”. I’m just too damn tired to be over it all. I’d LOVE to be over it all, but I can’t even muster the enthusiasm for that.

That’s the thing about being hurt for so long by so many people…it exhausts you to the point where recovery isn’t even a viable option anymore. Now I just exist. I try and get through each day without crying too much and ignoring as many people around me as possible. If I don’t have to talk to anyone and don’t cry too much, I consider that a successful day. That’s where I’m at. I’m sorry to sound like such a bitch. I’m just too tired to even make this entire post sound coherent. I’m just so fucking tired.

So very fucking tired.

Buy My Book!  Support Me Via Patreon! Donate To Our GoFundMe!

I’m Maggie. If you like this thing I made, you might like some other things I make, like my depressing webcomic “In Space, No One Can Hear You Cry”, my podcast network “The Feel Bad Network” or my writing over at Medium. You can also find some published work for sale over at my Payhip or support my work at my Patreon! Anything helps & is appreciated, thanks!

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Modern Museum Of Mistakes: Short Story

Ocean(1) Hey, Augusts short story is now out! Please buy it and help my girlfriend and I take care of some medical bills! I’m also linking our gofundme at the bottom of this page! Anyway, here’s a description of the story:

Lena Pilgrim, a woman in her late 30s, is taking on a late night security job at her local art museum as a way to make ends meet. One night, Lena finds herself with a new artist in the museum, and things quickly become strange when Lena notices the paintings on the walls start to mirror certain moments in her life, allowing her to view them in real time. Is this artist really an artist, or something more? Lena intends to find out, even if the truth hurts her.

Anyway, the story is available for purchase right here at the low, low cost of a buck fifty! Any and all sales will be extremely appreciated. Also, as I stated above, I am putting the GoFundMe my girlfriend started in here. I hate to do this sort of thing for we REALLY need the help, so if you could give anything at all, we’d be so super appreciative. Thank you so much! I promise to start updating this blog again regularly!

Buy My Book!  Support Me Via Patreon!

I’m Maggie. If you like this thing I made, you might like some other things I make, like my depressing webcomic “In Space, No One Can Hear You Cry”, my podcast network “The Feel Bad Network” or my writing over at Medium. You can also find some published work for sale over at my Payhip or support my work at my Patreon! Anything helps & is appreciated, thanks!

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So Utterly “Tragic”

art12

This isn’t a fun comic. I am in so much fucking pain. There’s no joke here.

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I’m Maggie. If you like this thing I made, you might like some other things I make, like my depressing webcomic “In Space, No One Can Hear You Cry”, my podcast network “The Feel Bad Network” or my writing over at Medium. You can also find some published work for sale over at my Payhip or support my work at my Patreon! Anything helps & is appreciated, thanks!

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Rotten

I have come to a decision.

There is something rotten inside of me, that cannot be fixed. No matter the work, no matter the length of time spent on it, the effort put into it, it cannot be fixed. I am rotten, deep inside of myself, and it’s just something I am going to have to live with. People will try and tell me otherwise, say things like “You’re not rotten, you’re just hard on yourself!” but no, rest assured, I am rotten. Some part of me, deep, deep down inside, is rotten and will continue to rot for the rest of my life. The sooner I come to terms with and accept that, the sooner I can move on perhaps.

To clarify, this rot doesn’t make me do anything. It doesn’t make hurt myself or hate other people, it doesn’t make me have terrible impulses or anything like that. No. It’s simply something that I can feel inside of me, that I know shouldn’t be there, that I know not everyone else has, if anyone else, and that makes me sick in certain ways and makes me look at the world in certain ways. This rot had to start somewhere, but where exactly is increasingly hard to pinpoint. I could blame my parents for it, but that’s become drawn out and tired, even if not at all untrue. Could blame all the people who’ve hurt me, but then others would come to their aide, screeching “But you need to take responsibility!”

I need to take responsibility for how shitty other people treated me, via their own decision to do so? Okay. Sure.

Do I want the rot fixed? Probably not. It’s how I know to cope and survive. The rot is a part of me. Sounds sick to say, but it’s true, and I am no longer in the vein of saying things that aren’t sick, because that’s what I am. Sick. Sick and rotten. Part of it I’m sure can be attributed to the fact that when enough people tell you for a long enough period of time that something is wrong with you, that you’ll believe something is wrong with you. Weird, right? Almost like peoples opinions on you has an effect or something. “Oh, don’t pay any attention to what anyone thinks about you!” As if it’s that fucking easy. You’re not rotten. What I am sincerely tired of, however, is being told I’m not rotten. People who aren’t me, who don’t have to deal with my problems on a day to day basis making computer desk medical analysis of a person they don’t even fucking know. You aren’t me. Stop fucking tell me what you think I am or how you think I work.

And stop telling me things will get better. There’s a difference between betterment and false hope. I’ve accepted that things will, in fact, not get better. I accepted that a long time ago, and accepting that reality doesn’t make me a weaker person. It makes me accepting of my limits and capabilities, forcing me to focus on the things I can actually achieve or accomplish. No. Things will never “get better”, but they may, with a little bit of acceptance and effort, become “ok”, and I’m fine with that. Stop trying to get me to believe things will get better, because when you do, you’re only instilling in me this false sense of security in the future that, when it never comes, as it never does no matter how hard I work or try, only makes me more crestfallen that before you instilled said false sense of security. Got it?

I am rotten, and I am at peace with myself being this way.

And I wouldn’t have it any other fucking way.

Buy My Book!  Support Me Via Patreon!

I’m Maggie. If you like this thing I made, you might like some other things I make, like my depressing webcomic “In Space, No One Can Hear You Cry”, my podcast network “The Feel Bad Network” or my writing over at Medium. You can also find some published work for sale over at my Payhip or support my work at my Patreon! Anything helps & is appreciated, thanks!